I was on drugs..that is my excuse and I am sticking to it.....

So one cold November night when my children were fast asleep, my husband was in California and I was recovering from surgery-high on painkillers, I tracked this boy down. You must know that I have a background in tv news and I pride myself on always being able to find someone using my keen spidey sense (news background). I will refrain from saying how I located him, but suffice it to say..I emailed him. I used some lame excuse that I had seen his name while researching something on the internet. I wondering if I would ever hear from him and the next day I had an email waiting for me. He was cordial and kind and seemed genuinely excited to hear from me. That thrilled me. Can you imagine? Track down a long lost love and reconnect. I was so happy. Fast forward a few days--still on painkillers, I emailed him again and actually fessed up as to my true thoughts. Mind you, I am not sure I would have done this if the percocet was not kicking in. So I told him.....the truth.....somewhat. I told him that he had always held a special place in my heart and he was always going to hold that spot....that I just wanted to check on him and make sure he was doing well in life and was OK. Let's just say the next morning...I had the shocking feeling...'WHAT THE HELL DID I DO?"

It is all about a boy

The whole reason I started this blog was because I have a secret. It is a secret that I can not openly share with even my best friend. (OK actually she knows all about it but is getting sick of hearing about it.) It is all about a boy. Wait, what? Didn't I say I was married? Yes I am. Here is the deal: there is always that one person that makes you wonder...what if? Could it have worked? Would my life be better? ....Or worse? This boy dropped into my life in my early 20's. We dated but for some reason, it never worked out. We actually made a go of it a few times but it never stuck. He was totally different from me. His father had a high profile job, he went to a private all boys high school, he was very intelligent. I grew up middle class with both working parents, I went to a public high school and did the absolute minimum to get by. Where he was book smart and reserved, I was street smart and outgoing. I would always wonder about him, what happened to him and where he was in life. I guessed he married the girl that preceded me and I was sure he was a success in his life--he was just that type of person. It has been 19 years since I have seen this boy and I can honestly say that I think of him a lot--as in at least once a week (probably more). Actually I think about him way too much. My head knows that it would have most likely never have worked out but my heart...ah, the heart...heart has her own mind. Stupid heart!
How does someone get over this? I have been married for ten years and with my husband for 15 years. To say our marriage has had it rough patches is an understatement. An understatement that I will save for another post but due to these turmoils, I have always wondered what my life would have been like if I landed with the one that got away.....

Here I begin....

So I decided to start a blog...because I feel I can't really talk about life as it is now. Now, you as a reader, get to be a voyeur. It is not that exciting but I think you may enjoy my stories and hey, maybe I will get some insight into my life. Free therapy, right?
I am a 41 year old female who is married with a seven year old and a five year old. The two kiddos are the most important thing in my life. Yes the most important thing.
I am a language arts teacher that has been teaching only two years (this is my second career) and I teach seniors in high school--not the kind that are losing their teeth, but the ones who barely have all their teeh in place. They think they know everything but actually, as we who are older, know they nothing--their life is just beginning. I have stories that could fill a book but that will wait until later.
Right now..my five year old is having a fit to go to McDonald's so I must go...not to Mickey D's but to tend to her needs....yeah, right.